Coming in hot with another good one!
Now don’t roll your eyes at the title like my doctor rolled her eyes at me when I requested to be assessed (really nurse practitioner – does anyone even see doctors anymore?). I’ve taken the little online quizzes, and scored in the ‘Proceed to assessment; do not pass go, do not collect $200’ range but life was busy and that shit costs money and who knows if insurance will even help? So I continued on my merry little way, doping and coping – being doped up on anti-depressants and coping with the symptoms that they didn’t mask or make me care less about.
Fast-forward to 2021: still working from home and dreading the inevitable recall to Home Office, I start looking harder for remote work options. The best part of 2020 was being able to work from home. There, stripped down to its essence, work that I enjoyed and did not enjoy became crystal clear to me. This clarity would likely never have come had I still been forced to do the same things over and over and just accept it so I could make money. I laughed and joked about becoming “feral” but really I was able to be my authentic self. If I wanted to work all day in my pj’s, so be it. If I wanted to take a break and clean up a corner of the room, so be it. If I wanted to take a minute to put a meal in the crockpot for dinner later, SO BE IT. The last of which I just did and I believe the chicken tacos we will have tonight will be ahh-maz-ing. Ahhhh, freedom. So no, I don’t want to go back to work in an office, having to fight traffic daily and by the time I get there be so agitated that the whole day feels shitty before it’s even started! Plus being tied to an office for 8+ hours and then coming home physically exhausted and mentally drained does not make me eager to cook a meal or clean any square inch of my house. All I want to do at that point is sit on the couch and zone out in front of the tv, or go to bed. None of that is helpful to my well-being or my relationship with my family. I have found my ideal office, now to find my ideal work for it.
So I had an appointment set up for me with the psychiatrist. Ahead of this appointment, I was required to complete several assessments – kind of like those online “Do you have ADHD?” quizzes but more in depth. I had the teledoc appointment and voila, you guessed it – I have ADHD. I felt a sense of relief as now I had a reason for some of my quirks. I also felt a little empowered and began a deep dive into this disorder through books and recommended websites. I joined a women’s ADHD Facebook group that has been a Godsend and allowed me to see that I am NOT alone, even at 50. I just wish I had done this sooner.